of Hair and Hearts...

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
1 SAMUEL 16:7

This has been a week for frequent reflection on 1 Samuel 16:7.

What was to be a one-night stay for my wife at her parents’ house in northern Minnesota has turned into a five-day, four-night “Mister Mom” marathon for me at our home back in the Twin Cities. And while the reason that her visit has been extended is completely legitimate, and the physical, emotional, and spiritual rest she is getting is an immense blessing, the itinerary change has resulted in a daily meditation for me on 1 Samuel 16:7.

But before I get into that, there are a couple of things I need to make clear. First, my two oldest daughters (Alex and Erin) are pretty much self-sufficient and have done a better-than-expected job of helping me out. Second, I am not in any way writing this blog entry as an attempt to get sympathy or praise for my “sacrifice”–I’m an adult and a dad and I should be able to handle it. It’s not brain surgery. So don’t get distracted…remember, 1 Samuel 16:7:

“The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

So, “what has caused you to dwell repetitively on 1 Samuel 16:7 this week,” you may ask? What has me so focused on outward appearances? Nothing less than…my youngest daughter’s hair.

Yes, you read that correctly. You see, since everyone else in my family is gone when she wakes up, I’ve been solely responsible for “doing” Carly’s hair. And it hasn’t been pretty. Her hairstyle requires a ponytail on the top. There are apparently reasons for this…but as a dad, I’m not really sure what they are. In any case, each day I have attempted to re-create the beautiful ponytails that my wife and older daughters are so good at fashioning. And each day the result has been a crying girl with a ponytail that holds too much of the “wrong” hair and too little of the “right” hair. And it has looked completely different everyday. I’m quite sure her teachers at school have been thinking, “Dad must be home alone.” And they would be correct.

Which brings me back to 1 Samuel 16:7. You see, each day this week I have been reminded that the Lord looks past Carly’s multiple consecutive bad hair days and looks at the purity of her heart. Every day this week, I have been reminded that the Lord looks past my ineffective efforts and looks at my heart of love and service for my daughter. I’ve also been reminded of the importance the Lord places on the substance of my life…on what is really going on in my mind and my heart, not the external appearances that I try so hard to maintain. “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” He can see right through me, to the truth that lies inside.

As we approach this Christmas season, may we all spend some time looking beyond the outward appearances of presents and trees and decorations. The heart of the matter is that God sent His Son to us as a baby in a manger. O COME LET US ADORE HIM, CHRIST THE LORD!

HOW A MOTHER PRAYS

The most agonizing moments of my experience as a mother have been those times when my youngest daughter, Carly, has been in pain — a pain she can’t explain to me and a kind of pain that I may never be able to make go away. For all the things Larry and I have tried to do for her over the years, there is increasing awareness that there is often little more that we can do but pray.

Raising a child who cannot talk and who has complex developmental and health issues has stretched me in many ways but probably, most of all, it has been teaching me to surrender things I cannot (even should not) try to control. This experience keeps teaching me to embrace the precious intimacy and power of prayer.

We can learn a lot from the way people in the Bible pray.

Samuel listened and responded decisively to God’s call.

David laid his heart bare before the Lord.

Paul prayed often for others and frequently used written prayers to encourage.

But since it’s the Christmas season and because I’ll be talking with a group of young moms tomorrow, I got to thinking about what we can learn about prayer from Mary, the mother of our Lord. Among the many reasons why I’m drawn to Mary during this season is that we have been in a prolonged season of caring for Carly through issues we’ve not been able to understand or fix.

As I watched the movie The Passion years ago, the scenes that most brought me to tears were those of the frantic Mary trying to wrap her heart around the most painful but holy moments her Son would ever endure. It’s arguable that there were numerous other scenes that should have gripped me more, but I must admit, it was resonating with Mary’s mother-heart that tore me to pieces. Even with Mary’s deep trust in God and with whatever appreciation she must have had for the eternal value of the events unfolding before her, there was nothing that could soothe her broken-heartedness in those profoundly overwhelming hours of Jesus’ suffering.

Tomorrow during my talk we’ll be unpacking several things about how Mary prays that can be helpful reflection at any time of year but especially as we consider the awe and wonder of Christmas — what it meant then and what it means today. If you’d like to dig deeper with me on that, check out the list at the end of my post.

I’m taking a couple of things away from the kind of woman Mary must have been. I think she was like our modern-day prayer walkers. She seemed to be in a constant state of prayer, attentive to all that was going on around her and quietly pondering — continuing to be a woman of persistent prayer right into the earliest days of the Christian church (Acts 2:14). I don’t know about you but I’m inspired.

Today I’m also taking notes from David’s book (metaphorically mostly, but also quite literally going to the Psalms) and praying from an anguished soul. I’m weary and battle-worn from parenting Carly and the intensity of her needs and our shared suffering. After another very rough night last night, Larry and I are in the midst of yet more prayerful pondering about what to do next while expressing raw emotions before each other and the Lord as David did. But I am also increasingly praying, as Mary did, with a quiet and pondering heart.

I would be on the fringes of sanity without prayer, without my Lord’s constant availability for conversation. I am brought to my knees with gratitude for the intimate way I have of connecting with my Savior on a most holy level.

Certainly we need a Savior to pay the penalty of sin for us but we can also claim Jesus as the One who keeps saving us from suffering that threatens to consume us — the One who extends mercy and power to us through the Holy Spirit so that we can keep a heavenly perspective and remain strengthened for the journey.

Some things Mary modeled:

AUTHENTICITY—Luke 1:34

TRUST—Luke 1:45, Luke 1:50, Luke 2:48-50

REVERENCE—Luke 1:46-49

SURRENDER—Luke 1:51-55

QUIET & PONDERING—Luke 2:19

FREQUENCY—Luke 2:41-42

FRUITFULNESS—Luke 2:52

DISCERNMENT—John 2:3-5

PERSISTENCE—Acts 2:14

HOW HANDY ARE YOU?

I changed the thermostat in my 2001 Impala last week. Now, for everyone other than mechanics and DIY aficionados, that may sound impressive. Maybe…maybe not. A couple of weeks before that, I took apart and cleaned the control unit of my constantly-discharging water softener and also replaced a faulty solenoid. The result is a well-functioning unit and a savings of at least $150 over what the repairman would have charged me. “Wow, what a handy guy,” you might think.

I often wish I possessed significant knowledge about cars and all other things mechanical. The truth of the matter is that I don’t, no matter how it might appear to others. But here’s what I do possess – access to the internet and a pretty good idea of what projects I can and cannot handle.

There is a truly astounding amount of information stored out there in the immense information aggregation we know as “the internet.” With a little persistence, one can not only get a pretty good idea of what is wrong with a 2001 Impala when the temperature gauge does not move off the lower bound of its measuring range, but also a list of any necessary tools or parts and step-by-step instructions for making the repair. All that is left is to decide whether one can or wants to handle the job. It’s pretty simple, really. Even for me.

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."
2 TIMOTHY 3:16-17

Lisa and I have found ourselves in somewhat of a “funk” recently. Perhaps it is all of the stresses of life or the self-inflicted lack of sleep we have been experiencing lately. Whatever the cause or causes, we have been unusually short with one another and generally lacking in appropriate expressions of love and affection. The result is two rather tired, somewhat fragile people just trying to get through another day.

I often wish that I possessed better insight into why I do the things I do, why I continue to make mistakes and cause harm to myself and to the people I hold most dear. The truth of the matter is that I am a finite, fallible human being. And despite my best attempts to give the appearance of “having it together,” I really don’t, no matter how it might appear to others. But despite my numerous weaknesses and failures, despite high levels of fatigue and low levels of expressive love, here is what I do possess – the Word of God and a Savior who loves me and restores me no matter what messes I get myself into.

It is truly astounding how much information is packed into the Bible. One can use it not only as a diagnostic tool to help one get a pretty good idea of the condition of one’s heart and soul, but also as a list of any necessary changes and step-by-step instructions for making the repair.

"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."
HEBREWS 4:12

And as we are reminded again during this Advent season, the God of the universe gave up his heavenly position to come to earth as a man and pay the ultimate penalty for my sins and yours. All that is left is to decide whether one wants to follow the Child, the Savior – to allow Him to bring forgiveness and fullness into one’s life.

It’s pretty simple, really. Even for me.

"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."
1 JOHN 4:9-12