Our family has been on the road this week. First we were in North Carolina at the Gideon Media Arts Conference & Film Festival (more on that in a future post) and then we re-packed the family
and headed to Wisconsin for a weekend of wedding festivities with some of our
dearest friends. We’ve been singing Russ
Taff songs from 1990 and reminiscing fondly. (I know, sappy us.)
Early in our marriage, we shared a friendship
with another young couple who started their family two years ahead of us. Much of what Larry and I learned about how to
help our marriage thrive and parent well we learned right alongside these
precious friends who became like a brother and sister to us. We fell in
love with their daughter Taylor, the firstborn of our collective offspring, and
delighted in exploring our early parenting dreams vicariously through her.
Over the years, all of their children became “like our own” so much so
that we have often referred to Taylor as “our first child.” We're overwhelmed with the idea that we’re
now celebrating her wedding and a whole new family!
For a bridal shower gift I made Taylor a recipe
scrapbook featuring some of our favorite foods and recipes from those years
growing up together. The last page is titled "Recipe for A Thriving
Marriage." It seemed worthwhile to share that “recipe” publically today. I am praying this is a tool God uses to help
shape and strengthen many marriages.
Dedicated to
Joel and Taylor Barclay, married August 18, 2012.
Recipe for A Thriving
Marriage
For better and for worse,
the most profound challenges of your life will be intimately woven
within your most treasured relationship — your marriage. And it will be entirely worth it!
within your most treasured relationship — your marriage. And it will be entirely worth it!
Embrace challenges as an
adventure.
Make room for beauty to
be birthed out of struggles. Fight
dissention with the warfare of intimacy.
Move toward each other when you are hurt. Resist the inclination to cope with pain by
getting angry, pulling away or holding a grudge. Pursuing God together amidst adversity will
be the greatest adventure of your life!
Make memories and celebrate often.
Cultivate a pervasive
spirit of gratitude in your home. Talk
often about all that is good and sacred about your relationship. Put pictures in your bedroom that remind you
of your favorite times together. Be
intentional about making new memories.
Laugh. Smile. Dance. Be silly. And then laugh some more.
Encourage and respect each other.
Look out for each
other. Look for ways to make each other
happy, even when it comes at personal cost.
Plot to make your spouse laugh.
Give shout-outs for each other both privately and publicly. Make sure your spouse gets recreational time.
Plan unforgettable romantic experiences.
Allow your marriage to make you holy.
Marriage tends to put a
mirror on your sin revealing your most sensitive areas and selfishness. That means grace and forgiveness must be the
well from which you draw every day. Be
willing to receive correction from your spouse. Be the kind of person that
makes your spouse better. Since life as
a Christian involves a process of sanctification (becoming more and more like
Christ), let your marriage, even what’s most difficult about it, increasingly
draw you into the image of the living God.
Be happy but don’t make that your goal.
The covenant of marriage is more about your holiness than your
happiness. God-centered marriage does a
transforming work. It creates a picture
for the world to see of what reconciliation between Christ (the Bridegroom) and
the Church (His bride) looks like.
Pray together.
Prayer keeps your eyes on
eternity. Having a Kingdom perspective
increases your contentment, shapes your character, keeps you from rationalizing
sin, and empowers your loving.
Understand that some things about your marriage will not change short of
Divine intervention. Enjoy your intimacy
as a form of worship. You show your love
of God by loving your spouse well.
Align your hearts with God’s heart for family.
Don’t expect to get your
life’s greatest fulfillment from your marriage or marriage partner. Your spirit was designed to crave God so only
God can perfectly fill that ache in your soul.
Resist every temptation to love your children more than your spouse.
Love God more than your spouse. Your
love for God will spill over onto your marriage and make it delightfully
precious. Your investment in your
marriage will overflow into your parenting and create the most gorgeous fruit
you will taste this side of heaven.
Written by
Lisa Jamieson. Inspired by “Sacred Marriage” (Gary Thomas) and “Thriving
Despite A Difficult Marriage” (Michael Misja).
